Shopping Cart
Your Cart is Empty
Quantity:
Subtotal
Taxes
Shipping
Total
There was an error with PayPalClick here to try again
CelebrateThank you for your business!You should be receiving an order confirmation from Paypal shortly.Exit Shopping Cart

David Royko Psy.D


Blog

Blog

Ben is Home

Posted on December 16, 2015 at 12:35 AM

The whiteboard (inserted upper right) lays out the terms in Ben's house, at least for Ben:
"1: Hang Two Ornaments on Christmas Tree, then, 2: Get a Cookie." Talk about incentive.
---

The day I realized Ben was autistic, we sat on the floor as he stared up with a wide smile at the spinning ceiling fan. I thought to myself with a mix of panic and crushing despair, “Anything I supposed or imagined about Ben’s, heck, all of our family’s future has completely vanished. A year, five years, ten years, twenty years, fifty years, what will it look like?”

We have our twenty year answer: It looks like relocation. Goodbye Illinois.

As 2015 drifts into the past, the last details -- of many -- are being finalized for Ben’s permanent change of residence. For the past nine years, he has lived out of state, the huge costs completely covered by Illinois, and if there ever was a tacit admission of absolute failure to adequately care for your own, there it is.

The plan was always for Ben to return, to rejoin the family, friends and support network he’d temporarily, we thought, left behind. Illinois was home – his and ours.

Like it or not, Ben won’t be returning. In time, Karen and I also will become Illinois expats.

Twenty years ago, retiring from one Midwestern snow-belt state to a different one would not have been among our hopes and dreams. But hey, what’d we know?

Illinois forced our hand. The adult services provider who expressed the most potential interest in Ben was in southern Illinois, five hours away.

Ben would have been their very first client with autism.

Developmentally, in many ways, Ben’s like a toddler, and he would not easily be able tell us if he were being mistreated, neglected or abused. And like a toddler, when he has a tantrum or gets aggressive, it can be bad. They are the kinds of situations that have brought injury and death to guys like Ben in places that don’t know how to deal with severe behavioral issues.

“I can’t guarantee someone won’t get hurt in a group home” is what a professional involved with Illinois’s system told us. We know there are no guarantees with anything, but that she felt compelled to point it out says plenty.

And Ben would be their autism guinea pig.

What would you do?

Ben now lives in a group home and attends an adult day program run by an organization we know and trust. The well-trained staff is educated, committed and compassionate. Ben is busy, safe, engaged, appreciated, and happy.

Karen and I have rented an apartment a mile away, for our every-other-weekends with the big guy.

I could write volumes about the crisis of autism and adult services, but I don’t have to since Amy Lutz’s piece in the Atlantic covers, beautifully, many of these issues: Who Decides Where Autistic Adults Live?

This problem is only getting worse as the autistic population hits adulthood. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t require permanent relocation to another state.

But hey, what do I know?

Ben's bedroom wall, decorated by his house's staff.

Categories: None

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

Already a member? Sign In

154 Comments

Reply effeday
12:17 PM on May 16, 2022 
banned searching
http://forum.suenee.cz/profile/lukerod3491979/ cheap valtrex online store
http://upcyclerlife.co.uk/community/profile/angiehigh967915/ better value pharmacy discount code
http://hotwife-stories.com/community/profile/ttotom527592427/ symbicort online shop
http://www.medexamprep.com/community/profile/emmettfisken991/ price pro pharmacy coupon code
http://www.actiegroepen.be/community/profile/latisharuse609/ discount drug store ermington
http://ugafix.com/community/profile/frederickseitz/ price dapagliflozin mail order
http://imrann2.sg-host.com/community/profile/wilmer821655053/ buy generic cetirizine-ambroxol online
http://makeawishandsmiles.com/index.php/community/profile/tomokoo
live190/ where can i buy distalgesic
http://www.suelovivo.club/community/profile/lanedodds737651/ buy propecia australia
https://www.hobbistica24.com/modificare-iscrizione-azienda?nid=69
17&element=http%3a%2f%2fweb-pods.com
http://zip.2chan.net/bin/jump.php?https://thecgc.net/
http://m.yeskorea.org/member/login.html?returnUrl=http://monequat
eur.com
http://actontv.org/?URL=vietvoters.org
https://mypage.syosetu.com/?jumplink=http://monequateur.com
http://www.lbbunited.com/member/login.html?noMemberOrder&returnUr
l=http%3a%2f%2fweb-pods.com
http://www.top-klimat.ru/links/links.php?id=thecgc.net
https://tourismcambodia.com/bizonline/tour-enquiry/?tourId=72&tou
rcode=TCT-P01&tourname=Phnom%20Penh%20Overnight&duration=2%20Days
%201%20Night&url=http://thecgc.net
http://blackberryvietnam.net/proxy.php?link=http://maldimix.com
http://nordicwalkingtaoverona.it?time=month&yr=2020&month=07&dy=1
&href=http%3A%2F%2Ftlumiki.org&cid=mc-print-view
https://mir12.ru/bitrix/click.php?goto=https://antidarvin.ru/
https://glavbusina.ru/bitrix/rk.php?goto=https://maldimix.com/
https://mobile.myprice74.ru/redirect.php?url=vietvoters.org
https://auth.compromat.net/V1/Account?returnUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fmone
quateur.com
https://mayflyshop.co.kr/member/login.html?noMemberOrder&returnUr
l=https%3a%2f%2fthecgc.net
https://sites.fastspring.com/gapotchenko/order/contents?catalog=h
ttps%3A%2F%2Ftlumiki.org
https://terrsvet.ru/bitrix/rk.php?id=17&site_id=s1&goto=https://a
ntidarvin.ru/
https://www.joautum.top/url?q=http://monequateur.com
https://rss.library.vanderbilt.edu/feed2js.php?src=https%3A%2F%2F
tlumiki.org&desc=1&utf=y
https://kultlab.ru/bitrix/redirect.php?goto=https://web-pods.com/

http://www.security-scanner-firing-range.com/reflected/url/href?q
=http%3A%2F%2Fantidarvin.ru
buckle does statues past proposition
Reply Cluress
12:46 AM on July 10, 2022 
lay reward laura feeding calvin verify
https://rentatop.com/p03se
https://centrofaser.es/npr9l36m3
https://tokoadamsport.com/id/9e8c3mws
https://rentatop.com/tr/igonu
https://whaootelde.es/ko/1z2szx
https://888spins.com/ko/ts8ssg
https://centrofaser.es/ar/9pt0l8y36
https://antidarvin.ru/ja/oarolu0csl
https://vibrafusionlab.com/hr/8sre0nk
https://antidarvin.ru/lt/lqavo
https://888spins.com/ar/9583lhq2
https://sactratturarte.it/id/s83bb3fyyw
https://linokambarys.lt/lv/574byw
https://cruartisancollege.com/ja/lak4ii9x5
https://centrofaser.es/ar/21sk7
https://pievedispaltenna.it/tr/7s40v8s
https://gruppoempire.it/ja/ettft1l5nx
https://linokambarys.lt/ko/rkfljr
https://whaootelde.es/hu/b934jwxbtn
https://antidarvin.ru/lv/qev23xvp
https://vibrafusionlab.com/lt/2u851
https://gruppoempire.it/ko/t0t2v
https://sactratturarte.it/0yg64z0w
https://vibrafusionlab.com/hr/l3mw0jlm2h
https://sandyzine.com/ko/dd7ozr
https://sandyzine.com/th/pp2zam
https://witthausart.com/th/4af4a7jz0z
https://sactratturarte.it/tr/fih2man
https://cruartisancollege.com/ms/xe6vvoptc
https://888spins.com/id/pem8jn933
https://sandyzine.com/qeckf
https://linokambarys.lt/o7omcipdpn
https://rentatop.com/ar/qxx6rj2nx5
https://linokambarys.lt/ko/bpqcfnhs5cn
https://pievedispaltenna.it/tr/g55qlp
https://tokoadamsport.com/ly60bvqusv
https://vibrafusionlab.com/ko/3nt2cxzf
https://tokoadamsport.com/vmq4pcjna
https://vibrafusionlab.com/hr/hdnte12xkx
https://centrofaser.es/tr/gv6v05kq7m6
https://davidfatum.com/tr/kyzy1fph
https://antidarvin.ru/hr/gz351y67z
https://whaootelde.es/iw/vs3gn9zrs
https://sactratturarte.it/ar/0k9uk00ze67
https://888spins.com/svozgg
https://rentatop.com/ja/ohax63906
https://sandyzine.com/lv/kcuzt2m2sl
https://linokambarys.lt/id/ocxgo
https://linokambarys.lt/lt/7r92txp
https://tokoadamsport.com/ja/ube35mzo0g8
li accomplished janitor watch merry wes
Reply Samuelginge
12:33 PM on January 29, 2023 
tadalafil online pharmacy
Reply EdgarAbews
9:10 PM on January 29, 2023 
cephalexin 100
Reply Paulrag
9:24 PM on January 29, 2023 
how much is prozac without a prescription
Reply Janerag
7:06 PM on January 30, 2023 
buy generic cipro
Reply Suerag
10:45 PM on January 30, 2023 
erythromycin antibiotic
Reply Samuelginge
10:48 PM on January 30, 2023 
lexapro brand name
Reply Nickrag
3:46 AM on January 31, 2023 
furosemide 25 mg
Reply TimothyMib
7:44 AM on January 31, 2023 
buy disulfiram online uk
Reply Amyrag
2:45 PM on January 31, 2023 
gabapentin prescription
Reply Michaelwhict
1:08 AM on February 1, 2023 
erectafil 40
Reply RichardOvese
4:12 AM on February 1, 2023 
sildenafil soft 100mg ventolin cost canada
Reply DarrylDiemi
2:15 PM on February 1, 2023 
discount keflex viagra order from canada where to buy antabuse ivermectin stromectol generic azithromycin online
Reply Miarag
2:15 PM on February 1, 2023 
12.5 mg furosemide
Reply Lisarag
3:36 PM on February 1, 2023 
orlistat no prescription
Reply Evarag
4:23 PM on February 1, 2023 
generic zoloft
Reply Micleroda
7:44 PM on February 1, 2023 
compare prices bupropion
Reply CurtisPep
11:45 PM on February 1, 2023 
can you buy abilify over the counter
Reply Jimrag
4:17 AM on February 2, 2023 
lisinopril 5mg tab